Posts Tagged ‘GAD’

Blank space is kinda scary, especially when I have no idea how to start. Introductions I guess…

I am thirty years old, and live in the UK. Smoker, occasional drinker, no pets. That’s the basics out of the way.

Now for the depressing part., violins at the ready… I suffer from anxiety, agoraphobia and am generally so irrationally afraid of everything that I stopped functioning in the real world about two years ago. I have been this way for as long as I can remember, I guess it just went from bad to worse without me really noticing.

I am a gaming addict. Seriously, an addict. I climb the walls if my internet goes down. If I am awake I am on the computer. I guess it takes me away from everything, so far away I have not really left my house in two years! I do everything online, pay bills, order my groceries, there is nothing I need that I cant do online! Well, there are a few things, and when they crop up, and I know I have to go out, I enter into a melt down. Its really not pretty.

I am little miss negative. Anything I try, I have failed in my head before I have even started. Anyway, new year coming and although I am not expecting any sort of miracle I am going to try and change a few things about my life.

There is only one thing left, one dream, one ambition, that has not been taken and crushed by my lack of being able to function in society, and that is writing! Its the only thing in my life that I have done consistently. ( I have a trunk full of diaries from when I was aged twelve to prove it) As you can probably tell from this entry my grammar, spelling, punctuation is terrible, but that’s not something that cant be fixed right?

So with the new year coming, I plan to try and write a novel, and not listen to that part of my brain that even as I write this is telling me its a stupid idea, that I am not smart enough, not dedicated enough and that people will laugh at it. I mean its not like I have anything to lose.

Also I am going to try not to hide. This is hard to explain but I seem to be different versions of myself with different people. I try to ‘fit’, None of my friends know the real me. They all know different parts of me. Here in this blog space, anyone who stumbles across it will get me, all of me. My passion for gaming, my irrational rants, my somewhat warped sense of humour.

So to my readers, or followers. Perhaps friends in the making. You are my test dummies. You are the only people who will get to know Cassidy Riley, the real Cassidy Riley.

I’m not even sure I know who she is.